Sunday,12,August,2012

It's a nice day, the sun shine brightly as usual and I got bunch of problem as usual, too.

What is "Being Invisible" means?
Being invisible is a feeling where you are ignored by people around you,just like, when you are talking to a person,he doesn't seems to give attention to you and make you feel you are not important at all, but there is some case that someone who makes the other person feeling impossible without mean to do it, most of the time the person that makes the other feeling invisible is meant to do it.


I felt so bad when I found myself made somebody feel invisible, that kind of guilty feeling makes me no sleep for nights, because I don't even know what to do in order to fix it.

Being invisible for along time can make you become numb if you are tough enough to face all of the pain you got from being ignored and be someone that nobody care, and most of the people that is not active in their social areas like school, company, etc. are mostly numb for being hurt.

Why do I know all of this things? Because I used to be in these situations, I try to cry but It is useless, Crying won't solve anything right?

The other thing that will make you numb is feeling nobody understand you.That kind of feeling hurts the most.

try to enjoy the songs I posted in my blog I hope these songs will make you feel comfortable.

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That's what I talking about!

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Monday,7,August,2012

I'm having depression because lacking of sleep recently,

I feel that I'm going to be the person when I was in the senior high
and that person is what I mean "liar" you may check it out the reason for why I told I was a liar from the previous post.

Living as one of the liars is kinda suck
one of my friend always think that he is cool or smart because he is one of the "liars",he is quite annoying, he is ignorant just like I used to be, I thought I was good, for being ignorant. but the truth is: being one of the liars makes you smarter,feels better, because you just don't give a fuck to everything around you but yourself, sometimes I call this kind of mindset as " depressing feels good" because this kind of mindset will force you be depressed in order to keep this kind of mindset be in your mind for a long time,

but the irony is: my parent think this kind of mindset is the symbol of you are "MATURE", so my conclusion is:" Parents want us to be depressed in order to call us mature.

I'm finished

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Monday,8,August,2012

The first day of all suffers:
..............

I tried my best to show you my best,
but what I get is all mess;
I want to try again so I could do it better,
but everything seems harder than before;
When I realize that life is tough,
I thought that life could be worse for someone else that I know,
but I realized that is a lie somehow,
then I look the world around me,
Damn, it's full of lies,
I started to afraid that I will become one of them too,
I started afraid to talk with them
I used to do things in different way
they called me weirdo
then I was tired,
I tried to be numb,
but things become boring and depressing when you are numb,
then I tried to be a good guy that never mess up things,
then I realized that I have become so tricksy
I felt guilty
I tried to walk out from this shade of numb
then I became a loser in many ways
I failed in friendship
I failed in my classes
I failed with everything

...
so many times that I tried to gain the trust from my parents
but however I tried,they just don't want to trust me.
maybe I'm wrong with the definition of "trust" in my family,
then I gave up from making them to trust me that I'm capable enough to do things that I've planned, decided;
I started to live like the "normal" people that defined by them
I realized that I've become one of them...the liars.

I started to lie, even to myself,
the lies I have told
has become who am I....

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Me have nothing to do now, the same day

Now I'm supposed to be in the school having my basketball course,and you know that I'm at home right now, just because of the family things happened.

I have nothing to say,
btw, I got some songs that I think that you guys should listen for them..

Mike James - Imagine This
David Sanborn - When I'm With You 
Willie Clayton - Stop Running From Love
Bobby Hutton - 20 Years Later
Kevin Toney - Feels so good
Nicolas Bearde - Can we Pretend

Hope you enjoy them!


Click To Download!

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Sunday,5 August 2012

Sunday, the day where I'm lost with myself, I planned to finish all my homework, but the fact is I spend my day by watching movie trailers and other nonsense video. now I regretted for what I did in the day.
Now I'm in hurry for editing  my blog because I KNOW that I might have no time to do it on the weekdays!
Thanks to "Youtube" and the other website that I just don't care by just learning from them how to make a blogger template by FREE!

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Saturday,4,August,2012

Finally, I've survived to the weekend, damn finally it's weekend, time that I can work-out in the gym without getting overly tired because of working out in the gym.
Next week, there will be plenty of test:
T.I.K on Tuesday, Civic and History on Wednesday , Bahasa on Thursday, Mandarin on Friday
that's the schedule of the nest week's tests.*stabbed my face twice*

Michael invited me to his house today, we went to the gym, and I was the Instructor(in case of the instructor is having their "puasa" I am the only onw that is experienced for training in the gym), Michael was very impressive with his pull-up, because non of us can do that; Winsen is strong, but he just didn't want to show too much about him; Daniel, damn! he is just too unhealthy! he is 72 Kilograms and he is only 16 years old! He did the sit ups and some belly excercises that made him extremely exhausted! lol

And now, I'm doing my blog that I considered as my own personal diary, though I have knew that the blog I made can be read by the other person!
I enjoy blogging that reliefs some of my stress that i got in the day, but the reality is: I was thinking to earn money from my blog in the first time, when I realized that making a blog is not easy to earn money, I have used to blogging life.

see ya

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Monday, 30 July 2012

I have my Biology test today. I hope that my answer would let me pass the test cause I really don't know what should I write. Though, I had studied whole night long for the test, I still not sure whether I can pass or not.

Today, I'm tired and...maybe a bit disappointed, many things make me feel that I still not good enough tod o things like the way I want.

And, damn shit goes wrong every single time I wanted to do something, I planned to finish my work tonight  because I have a lot of exams waiting for me this week. In reality, I haven't started doing my homework, I spend my time on looking tutorials for programming, and now, I'm blogging.

I'm tired of my life,
Many things just wont go well and shits keep on happening.

Damn, Fuck my life.

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Still the same day

Sundays may be the worst day from all the weekdays in my life.
I'm listening to the old songs in the "youtube".
but my family having "cold wars" with each others.
Wew,I just realize how messed up is my life.

Just now, I listened to the song : I Smile-Kirk Franklin, and DAMN this sound sounds better than any dubstep stuffs!

Though,My family is still in mess.:why:
I got homework and yes, I'm still feeling lazy to do it

Have a good day!

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27th,July,2012

The night parade,

It was the night of the parade that held by the school, their aim to held this parade was to prove that our school, Immanuel Bilingual Class is not a school that only put the academic of their student in front of the other kind of knowledge that the student should have.

5 P.M. : The planned time for the begin of the parade

Everybody seemed to be very busy,  and the parade is delayed because the dancers haven't came yet,
I discussed with the other MC about what shall we talk on the stage.

Then the showtime comes, I walked in the stage with the other MC,
Everything goes right till I found that the microphone that used by the other MC is muted, She turn to me and grabbed the microphone in my hand and keep on talking.
"She's a pro."I told myself.

Then my turn has come
The microphone is muted again, nice. Thanks god that I didn't realized that lol :yaoming:.

After I did the opening words, I Prepare myself with the musical crew.

That was a great night, I went home with the feeling of satisfied that I never felt before.

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Wednesday,25,July,2012
Weather:Cloudy to T-storm
It's the first day since I broke up with my GF,
It was me that made us broke up,
I made too much promise, but none of them are accomplished by me.
Why I made those promises?
just because that I want her to think that I'm not an useless man.
Now I just realized, I was a dumb-ass ignorant kid, funny?
Yeah i'm a loser, what's next?

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Tuesday,24,July,2012

It's still a boring school day,
Today I have a chapel for the first hour,It was about friendship,
The chorus are from Careen and friends, She sang well, though the pianist made some mistakes with Careen.

Chemistry Class,
After Chapel
We had our Chemistry test, It was a little tough, But I think I will manage to pass it{AMEN}. The teacher name is Gunawan, He is the vice headmaster for our Bilingual Class, He is one of the most liked teachers in our school and one of the most hated teachers in our school, He gave us the test paper and told us that he won't say anything when he saw any of us cheating on the test, but he will directly our score on the test become zero.

Biology
Kind-heart rookie teacher
She let us to discuss with each other about the animal cell
I get the duty to study about the epithelium and I discussed with RG, Aceng, T.E., Clara, and Vicky.
The girls were passive, But we boys played through the last 40 minutes of class.

English
J.D.
we progress with our study about how to make a cover letter

T.I.K
Lunardi
This rookie teacher is a really kind hearted nerd.
Though that almost all of our class went to prepare for the parade that will be held on 27th July.
He has become my friend teacher since we first met
he is a nice guy

• • • 
      
      
      
      
      

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23rd,July,2012,Monday

Today,The day when my short holiday ends and the school starts as usual.
06:40 class teacher is discussing what should our school parade's jacket design look like,"Our jacket will be done in a month, but it depends on the design we will apply, The more complex the design, the longer it will take to finish the jacket."said Dessy."The Jacket is design by RG(he is a great computer guy)".Some of the "rioters" shouted.RG replied:"The design is done but I need to let everyone in this class to vote my design, tomorrow I will bring the print-out and let everybody vote for which design should be attached on the jackets"."Ok, I think that all should be alright, any question guys?"Asked miss Desy our class teacher.
Everyone seemed to be busy on their own, ignoring what miss said.
After quite a while of mess in the class, we proceed with our next class: Biology.
The monitor:"ATTENTION!GREETING!"
Everyone:"Good Morning teachers nice to meet you...."
Teacher:"Nice to meet you guys. Let me announce your result of your mini test we taken before."
..................Russell:"55".
I was quite embarrassed that time. Thought that I have made an improvement for this first semester of m grade 11.
Afterwards, the teacher let us to discuss about the material that we still not very understood yet, as a result, Most of the student just chat with each other and so did I.
.......


After the boring classed that I took today, I went home, my father has been waiting for me, and this is the first time happened that y dad is waiting for me, because usually I wait for my dad at school until the sun set below the horizon. And he always has an explanation. No matter how ridiculous his execution is, I just keep my mouth shut and reach home With a almost fainted body.

After I have my meal, The gym is the only place that I wanna go for this tirign day of my life, I worked out as hard as I can in every single chance that I can go to the gym.

When my body is suffering from the pain that I made, my mind is free, free of everything, I just keep on counting,counting and counting the reps that I've done. Time pass faster when I work out in the gym, makes me feel the life, makes me sweat, and makes me feel satisfied from life.

I took a bath, and eat some food, then I go to bed, to pass the night, the night that used to make me hard to fall asleep.

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What's in your mind when these things happen to you?

• Being Invicible
• Be very angry to somebody
• Think that life is too sucks for yourself
• Being disturbed

I took a survey to the people around me, and their answers are generally the same:" I pay no attention for those problems, just let it happen". After I made a short period observation to those people around me, I've got a conclusion:Those who said a lot about their feeling are those honest people,didn't mean to be offensive, but that's true.


Honestly, I don't think that not being is bad, life is full of lies, we should've admit it since we were born on this world.


Some of my schoolmate think that i'm an ignorant asshole though they don't say that in front of me, but some of my best friend told me that.

I don't think that not talking or greet someone we know when we meet at somewhere is a disrespectful movement.And it is awkward when I meet someone I know at school and don't know should I greet it or not.At that moment, I think like this:"if I greet him/her,he/she will think I'm such a noob (Maybe I'm wrong, I don't really understand the culture in here), If I don't greet them they will think that I'mma Ignorant fake-ass  Chinese. For Fucksake!I've been suffering this since I entered this school!


And now, I broke up for the second fucking time, and this time is because of myself. Wew, shits went wrong all the time. It's hard for me to sleep at night, many things come to me when I'm doing nothing, That's why I always looking for something to do all the time.


That's all for today,I gotta keep goin' to live my damn life.

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