Monday,8,August,2012

The first day of all suffers:
..............

I tried my best to show you my best,
but what I get is all mess;
I want to try again so I could do it better,
but everything seems harder than before;
When I realize that life is tough,
I thought that life could be worse for someone else that I know,
but I realized that is a lie somehow,
then I look the world around me,
Damn, it's full of lies,
I started to afraid that I will become one of them too,
I started afraid to talk with them
I used to do things in different way
they called me weirdo
then I was tired,
I tried to be numb,
but things become boring and depressing when you are numb,
then I tried to be a good guy that never mess up things,
then I realized that I have become so tricksy
I felt guilty
I tried to walk out from this shade of numb
then I became a loser in many ways
I failed in friendship
I failed in my classes
I failed with everything

...
so many times that I tried to gain the trust from my parents
but however I tried,they just don't want to trust me.
maybe I'm wrong with the definition of "trust" in my family,
then I gave up from making them to trust me that I'm capable enough to do things that I've planned, decided;
I started to live like the "normal" people that defined by them
I realized that I've become one of them...the liars.

I started to lie, even to myself,
the lies I have told
has become who am I....